Saturday, December 22, 2007

2 - Watching "Sin City"

In a fit of pique over being sort of stood up by my ex for dinner (though he might also reasonably claim that it was the other way around—alas why we are no longer a couple) I did what Peaches would refer to as "fucking the pain away." This was the ad I posted on CraigsList (which was flagged and removed I might ad—I guess the idea of a woman being serious about wanting sex without a cash transaction being involved is unheard of):
Date: 2007-12-21 20:14:51
PostID: 516704432
Title: (casual encounters) Watching Sin City--Would Rather Be Sinning - w4m
Buxom, BBW, SBF seeks stimulating romp in the sheets
tonight with well spoken fella 20-40. Have msn so we
can chat. No msn, no nookie.

After having one guy who seemed absolutely smitten with my robust figure (those candid pics I’ve taken for this blog—well he got first peek) back out on the grounds of being weirded out by the thought of meeting and immediately having sex, I ended up having a 1st year university type romp with a near juvenile (okay he was 24 but that’s young for me) named Christopher. It wasn’t great sex but it wasn’t any worse than pizza either. It took the edge off for a few hours and that was the point.

Now to even get to Mr. Wimp Out and Christopher took weeding through about 40 e-mails that all appeared in my in-box within minutes of posting the ad. I really thought that between black and BBW the response would not be so enthusiastic. I was honestly surprised. I’m also vaguely amused by the fact that guys sit perched on CL waiting for a woman to post something like that. Even more amused that they would back out when the opportunity presented itself—but that’s a topic for someone else’s blog.

It jump-started my thinking though on the whole phenom of the BBW and how the things play out for her in the contexts of dating and sex. I was absolutely convinced that once I sent that candid pic to Mr. Wimp Out he’d be gone in a flash—but he clearly really dug my physique—a physique I don’t remotely dig.

More on this topic in the future, but I just felt like last night’s spectacle was too weirdly relevant not to share.

Friday, December 21, 2007

1 - All the "Fat" names were taken

I had decided to call this blog "My Fat Ass" but I'm coming into this blogging game way too late in the third quarter for that url to still be available. I toyed with a few other titles including "Fat Like Me" (oh so clever and oh so overdone) and finally settled on "Heavy Me." And I like it because it's so indicative of how ambivalent I am about my size.

I know there are a significant number of people who would call me fat. But I don't identify with that word. I really don't. I think it's because I've always pretty much resided in that middle ground. I haven't been thin since sometime predating puberty. After that I was always, not fat but not thin. Now, weighing in at 226lbs last time I checked (and I'm only 5'5") I somehow still don't think I'm fat. Some people might call me delusional but I think I have an idea in my head of what "fat" is and I don't feel like I fit that idea. And I carry a lot of weight in my chest (grin).

Of course this brings up the issue of how subjective labels like "fat," "thin," and "normal" are. There is a great deal that is arbitrary about those concepts. But I'll get into the high brow later. This is just an introduction. In the course of this blog, I hope to cover topics like medical issues, obesity vs fatness, size and the media, what is actually average and all sorts of other fun topics. Of course you get to come along on my journey of...well whatever the journey turns out to be. I can't guarantee that it'll be weight loss. It might just be weight maintenance. If nothing else I hope it'll be a journey of self-acceptance. Cheesy, but true.

I am going to take pictures...but I'm not going to post them right away. I am going to take candid (black mailing exes unite) and not so candid shots. I want you to someday have an idea of what this journey looks like in my body (because I know a lot of other people are taking the same road but in different skin suits). But first I want you to get to know what goes on inside my head. We'll get to the pictures later. But I promise the pics will be taken and they will some day be posted.